Sunday, December 7, 2008

Truth & Love

The truth is we always say "appreciate life, you never know when it will be gone"...but do we really? Or do we fill our life with non-matters?
What do I hope to accomplish before I die? Hmmm...well.....
I want to be a good wife. I never thought of myself as the "housewife" type but I think I really am. I want to take care of my husband, I want to feed him and keep our home clean and bake him his favorite treats. Mark is everything my soul breathes. He is my water, my earth, my air, my fire and my metal. And though I know that our souls will continue to connect through our journey, I want every split second I have in this body and on this Earth with him, and no other. I want to dive into his eyes when he looks at me. I want to feel the heat of his hand in mine. I want to feel the magnetic pull of his gravity to mine.
I want to be a good mother. I can do better than I am doing right now. I can yell less, try to be more patient. I can provide more than just clothes, food and toys. I can provide memories to last a lifetime. I can provide a day filled with laughter and play. I can look into her eyes and see forever. I can kiss her tears and absorb any pain. I can hold her till her heart beats with my rhythm. No matter where I am, I just have to think about it and I can smell her. I can close my eyes and see every beauty mark, every eyelash. Because she is not just my daughter...she is my life. She is why I wake in the morning, why I inhale through the day. Why my heart bleeds if she is hurt. I am nothing without her.
I can be a better daughter/sister/friend. I can be more understanding. I can step up. I want to be able to be someone they are proud of. I want to be able to be the type of person that if they need help they will come. I want to provide love and care. I want to be less criticizing.
I can be a better me. I want to heal the broken, but I need to understand that I can't help all. I want to stop judging, but I need to understand that I CAN"T accept all. I want to embrace my culture, my ethnicity, but I need to understand that not everyone will. I want, but I need to stop wanting and accept needing.
Because in the end, isn't it always about truth and love.

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